Long time no blog!

It seems a lifetime since I last put ‘virtual pen to virtual paper’, infact it has been 10 months!! I have to wonder what I have been doing in all that time to stop the thought even entering my head. Having six children soon fills the year with birthdays, play dates and that’s even before you throw in parent’s evenings, assemblies and the two days volunteering at school I do but I don’t work full time so how do working mums manage to fit everything in I have to ask myself?

In October I once again made my application to get on the PGCE to finally start my teacher training. Would this be third time lucky or yet another let down I asked myself as I pressed the send button. A very long 4 weeks later I found out I had got through to the interview stage but then despair hit when I saw on the agenda ‘you will make a 5 minute presentation on …..’. My heart sank after remembering ‘lack of presentation skills’ on my GTP rejection letter. I decided to tackle this head on and roped in all my friends who had offered their skills to help me time and time again, one who gave me resources from our classroom, another a lecturer who would know how I should present myself and helped to make cards to suggest key words to help me remember what I was saying if nerves got the better of me, one who would clarify my content was correct and another who would listen to me time after time as I rehearsed. My most valued assistance came from my 11 year old son who religiously sat and helped me every night rehearse. I was confident by the time came that my presentation was what I wanted to say and I could do it but it still niggled at me deep down that I couldn’t do it and my nerves would beat me. The day came and I set off very early for a long day of tests, interviews and presentations, stopping on the way only to purchase some herbal ‘calms’ drops!!! The day began with the presentation, after I very bravely volunteered to be first (thinking getting it out the way would be good), I shook like a leaf for about a minute but then a sudden rush of confidence overcame me and I finished the talk happily to a round of applause and another candidate saying “that was amazing”. The confidence was oozing as I went on to do maths and literacy tests. Then came the nervous wait for all of us over the dinner hour while we waited for someone to appear with white envelopes. Nervously we opened them to find out if we were staying for interview or not which was based on our results from the tests and presentation. My grin must have reached one side of the room to the other as I opened the envelope to “congratulations ……”, I don’t think I even took in what was on the rest of the note. Yet another wait then for interviews and I was last however this gave some insight into the questions that were being posed which turned out to be the same 6 to everybody, all of which were subjects I was very happy with. After the interview we could leave and I smiled all the way home but tried to not be too confident as I didn’t want my hopes to be dashed once again, now came the long 7-10 day wait. Six days later I received the email I had been longing to receive for so long and I was finally accepted onto teacher training!!!!! This was it, the start of my dream and my future.

The elation lasted a long time and is still there but now come the worries. How will I manage the children, I had considered this before but it all seemed so real now. I seem busy now and time goes nowhere so how will I manage being away every day? Luckily I took the Flexi Route which is 3 days rather than 5 but more at home studying which I have been used to doing on evenings around the children anyway. I was thinking long term though, how do full time working mums do this, both physically and emotionally? I am feeling incredibly guilty at not being there but they are all at school anyway but surely the benefits of being able to afford those extra treats will be good and my own sanity for being ‘me’ again as my own person. So many things to organise and sort before April start.

I think I may need some good tips and advice from those working mothers that I admire so much who manage to juggle the kids, the housework, shopping and the children and still look amazing.

Won’t be beaten !!

Well, last weekend I got the envelope I was dreading but couldn’t wait to receive all at the same time! I opened it and there shouting at me where the words ‘unfortunately after considering your application…’ and at that point I felt like I had been knocked down by a bus. I felt like my whole world had ended and spent most of the weekend crying. I text a few people to let them know who had supported me and who I knew would be genuinely wanting to know the outcome. One friend phoned me and I was a jibbering wreck but she text me later saying ‘there is always a way’ which is what led me onto my next mission !

I re-read the letter explaining the reasons for not getting on the Graduate Teacher Programme, ‘not enough experience’ and ‘not prepared enough for the time demands’. I started to get cross because I have a massive amount of experience and I know I have the capabilities to cope with the time demands, having just completed a part time honours degree in the same time as a full time one alongside having 6 kids !!! So now I was set to prove them wrong but how? My friend had asked if I had considered PGCE which hadn’t crossed my mind believing it to be a 3 year degree & teacher training course. I looked on the website but the deadline had passed, however a slight glimmer of hope, it did say if you want to apply after this date to telephone to enquire if they have places. Monday morning came and I couldn’t get on the phone to Bishop Grosseteste University at Lincoln fast enough. I tried really hard to not squeal like a 5 year old when they said they had places to start in April on flexible learning. I then needed to register with the training registery and apply for the course which I am sure was done in less than an hour. This was approved by the training registery and is now in the hands of the University to decide my fate!! Once again I am on the waiting game but I am hoping someone is shining on me this time !!

I won’t be beaten and will prove them wrong !!

Stalker on the loose!

Last Wedensday and Thursday I had interviews for the Graduate Teacher Programme that I am so desperate to get accepted for. I was really confident after the written test on Wednesday and went into the interview on Thursday ready to wow the panel with my 10 minute presentation. However, it all went to pieces when the GTP co-ordinator came out and handed me the remote for the projector screen and explained what was going to happen. I could feel my legs turning to jelly and my hands beginning to shake, what was going on? I tried to pull myself together as I knew I could do this but not a hope I went into the room feeling like a jibbering wreck! I completed my presentation but was conscious that you could hear the shaking in my voice. Despite this I went on to answer all their questions and even ask them some but had this niggling feeling in my head that all was not good. The panel explained that I would hear within the week however I am sure they really said letter will be with you tomorrow because that’s when my obsession with the postman began

Friday came and went and I thought Saturday it is, but no! I was a bit out put that these people and the postie dont work on Sundays but I was confident for Monday’s delivery. Once again I was disappointed and now here is Wednesday and after harrassing the postie once again I am still none the wiser. Being desperate and at my wits end, rightly or wrongly I have emailed the GTP co-ordinator to ask when they might be sent and so I am now stalking my email account! I cannot believe I have become so desperate but better run and check my emails again, I’m sure it just beeped. Ahhhhhhh another chain email with daft pictures on from one of my friends!!

Oh and here goes another diet!!

Well you would think having six young lively children that I would be a size 0 wouldn’t you with all the housework and running round I seem to do, but NO you couldn’t be further from the truth !! So here goes yet another diet. Now the trouble starts with deciding how I am going to do this. Do I go to one of the many groups that are run where people like myself go each week and get weighed and receive a motivational round of applause or pep talk to encourage you to do well the following week? Mmmmm thought about it and while the idea of all that support is fantastic I need to remember I will be armed with 2 children under 3 and how on earth am I going to be able to get on the scales without one of them making a dash for it out the door strategically left open to entice people in! Then there is the small issue of keeping them quiet during the ‘group talk’ and secretly hoping they don’t shout such things as  ‘why is that lady so fat?’ as small children seem to have a great ability to do in these situations! Okay that’s that option well and truly ruled out !! Okay I could just eat healthier and cut down on snacking late at night on cupcakes that I have made for the kids or friends and weigh myself each week to just to keep a track but honestly that’s not going to happen! If I choose that option who is really going to know if I sneak something I shouldn’t mmm next option please!! Being a self confessed internet addict an online diet club looks the best option. Now which one to choose, I’ve pretty much tried them all now and had success with them all but of course suffer a relapse at every opportunity and xmas, birthdays etc are an easy excuse! So I need something completely new to me to keep me interested but one that has good results and reputation so thats it Weight Watchers online it is !!! Now you might say with doing an online diet who is going to know if you put the right weight in or not but I need to do this so have to be truthful to myself. I am graduating in April and don’t really want to look like a beached whale so a few tough months ahead! And just in case I was thinking I could get away with cheating 3 friends tell me they have joined too so we have each others support but at the same time 3 other people to give me a good kick if I am not doing well !!!

So paid the joining fees and have access to a massive amount of information which to be honest is daunting to say the least. I know I will look later !! Had a brief look at some menus and planned next 2 days meals and off to Tesco I went armed with a list of all kinds of food. So I am all set for starting tomorrow and hoping to report back in a weeks time with at least a stone off !! (Okay, might be hoping a little much here) Mmmm bye bye Diet Coke, hello sparking flavoured water, hello breakfast (not something I do having so many children never get time lol) and bye bye cupcakes !!!!

Now just the small matter of working out all this information, the ipod app (????) and this points system !! Lots of reading tonight I think, wish me luck !!

 

 

New Year, new beginnings???

For the last four years I have been completing an Early Years Honours Degree whilst bringing up six young children with an aim of applying for the Graduate Teacher Programme this year. This has been the reason for many late nights and immense stress, alongside the usual trials and tribulations of having six children of course !! In December the day came for results and there it was, an Honours Degree with my name on it !! I had done it, against all the odds and despite many comments about how I would not be able to manage it and the kids. I wonder if my stubborn personality had anything to do with my determination?? I suspect so !!

It was all very real and I was now able to begin the process by filling in the application forms with a hope of getting to the next stage. With only 12 places in the whole county the places are highly sought after and the odds surely mean I have a greater chance of not being accepted than being lucky enough to being offered a place and yet this did not deter me. I spent a week filling in the forms detailing everything about my qualifications, experience and much more and at this point it hit me, how on earth was I going to fit in a full time job, bring up the kids and do everything I do now?? I had obviously thought about this before but didn’t seem to worry me until now. My diary is always full with school meetings about the children or assemblies so how was I going to juggle everything?I closed the document on the computer thinking I wasn’t going to be able to cope so what was the point. I was considering what my good friends would suggest to me if they knew I was feeling like this, and a sudden bolt of lightening hit me, they all work full time despite having children so how do they do it? Regular meetings are held about my eldest child during school hours but surely this is just convenient for them? Easy answer, if they want me to attend they would have to be more suited to my needs!! Oh no, what if my kids are ill? well I would have to be off, but that is no different to any other parent surely? When will I fit in all the housework and planning I would be doing as well as spending quality time with the children? Oh this is so complicated, there’s no point I cant do this, I’m set to fail before I even begin. Then that nagging stubborness started again, was I really going to quit so easily and let something else beat me after getting this far? mmmmm not a chance!! Emails accessed, forms attached, oh my god, do I hit send or not? too late it’s gone !!

Is this the start of my new beginnings, I sure hope so. I hope one day my kids will be proud of my determination and follow in my footsteps in achieving their dreams no matter what. My next instalment could easily be the next stage in the process, fingers crossed!!!!